How to write a letter of complaint

Doing the round of news blogs everywhere is the most genious complaint letter ever written, addresses to one Mr Richard Branson. This is how good the letter is, how filled with pleasing punditry and phrasing finesse – it got a personal response from the man himself.

If you need to write a letter of complaint, this is the way to do it. And get noticed.

You can read the full text here.

For a shortcut to happiness, take a look at my personal favourite sections below (we’re talking about plane food here, by the by):


“You don't get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it's next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That's got to be the clue hasn't it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in?”

“Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It's mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month.”

“I'll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it's Christmas morning and you're sat their [sic] with your final present to open. It's a big one, and you know what it is. It's that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

“Only you open the present and it's not in there. It's your hamster Richard. It's your hamster in the box and it's not breathing. That's how I felt when I peeled back the foil.”

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