Capitalise on anti-capitalism

With an estimated 4,000 protesters converging on the City this afternoon, Smarta can’t help but think those with a nose for entrepreneurial ideas could be making a great deal out of this. Stuck for ideas? Never fear – Smarta has rounded up the top five business ideas for those looking to capitalise on anti-capitalism.

  1. Whistles
    A protest isn’t a protest without the constant shriek of whistles piercing through the din. No doubt there will be people flogging bunches of them every ten yards or so along the route of the demonstration, but there’s always room for more. Concentrate on neon ones, as well as ones in the colours of the Jamaican flag – yellow, red and green seems to be a particularly popular colour combination. Can’t think why...
     
  2. Protest handbooks
    Journalists from the 24-hour news channels have been wandering around all morning in the search of someone, somewhere who can make even the tiniest bit of sense. Answers to the question ‘why are you here?’ have so far ranged from swaying silence from dandy comedian Russell Brand to ‘err... to have a couple of special cigarettes?’ slurred by a distinctly confused-looking student type. A handbook of stock answers such as ‘we oppose quantitative easing in favour of a more generalised fiscal stimulus package’ or ‘I’m in favour of a fairer system of wealth distribution’ may go some way to helping the protesters look a little bit more on the ball.
     
  3. High-class tents
    With a temporary climate camp being set up in the city, protesters have pitched tents to show their solidarity. Target middle-class protesters’ tent one-upmanship by peddling tents with separate rooms, Cath Kidston patterns or even a gazebo attachment. It’s sure to get ex-city workers’ competitive juices flowing.
     
  4. Protest PR
    Acquire a video camera and search for unusual shots of rioters, then offer your services to news channels. Celebrity violence, girl-on-girl (police officer) action and cowering bankers are all rolling news gold. You’ll probably be paid extra if you can get a close-up shot of looting.
     
  5. 'I heart rioting' t-shirts
    They may have been there, they may have done it – but have they worn the t-shirt? Print up ‘I heart rioting’ t-shirts and watch the money roll in – but don’t forget to print your website on the back: if you’re lucky, your customers may be caught on camera. And you wouldn’t want to miss out on that opportunity.
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