If you didn't watch The Apprentice last night, first of all, here's the iPlayer link to the 'Beauty and the Beast' episode.
And secondly, you might want to look away now.
Felicity was the latest candidate to facing Lord Sugar's firing finger. And my oh my did she deserve it. Her team made a £200 loss on last night's task. The ultimate transgression in Lord Sugar's eyes and surefire route to the taxi of doom.
But no one acquitted themselves well. The two teams had to choose two beauty therapies, learn how to do them and flog them to the public. The UK's beauty industry is worth £14bn. These jokers could barely turn a profit.
I've never seen so many miserable mugs on a reality TV show. Let alone one where the prize is a £250,000 business opportunity. Smiles were shelved as the Apprentice hopefuls attempted to out-scowl each other rather than out-sell. Perhaps to prove - I'm stretching here - that their shining star was being dulled by the hulking incompetence of everyone else in the show.
Of course, the tactic backfired. Miserable Edna flapped her jowels about the empty treatment rooms, manned by Ellie, Natasha and Tom. But she failed to send a single customer up those stairs. Tom whinged about the lack of planning and financial strategy, then bounced around wasting valauable time trying to sell fake hair that could "make you look like that woman. That famous pop person." That'll be Lady Gaga, Tom.
Vincent called his team an "utter shambles" but was unable to back up his claims in the boardroom. In addition Vincent, whom I now loathe FYI, said that it was mere coincidence that he had been on the losing team every week. "I can't wait to be project manager," he said. "That'll put an end to my appearances in the boardroom." Then why haven't you bloody done it yet, Vincent?
Miss "I am a skincare genius" Susan Ma really let her team down this week. She over-inflated her sales projections for fake tanning lotion, leaving her team out of pocket and full of excess stock at the end of the day. If that wasn't bad enough, she claimed that her failure to sell was down to the people of Birmingham being "poor", rather than a poor choice of product or location.
The only candidate who did well was Leon. And that's only at a pinch because he wasn't so hot last week. His strange "Raise your little finger" grab really pulled in the custom. Literally. Karren Brady seemed genuinely impressed with the entrepreneur. "He really got into his stride," she said.
Smarta's prediction? Leon may go far if he loses the arrogance and learns a few lessons in people management. This is the man who tried to name the boy's team "Leon-trepreneur" in the first week, remember? Just look how far he's come.
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